Joseph Ridgeson
WarRavens
3598
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Posted - 2015.04.02 16:27:00 -
[2] - Quote
This works better when told in person as it is mostly the delivery that makes it funny:
Brianna needed a little bit of money so she get this idea in her blonde head: "I'll drive the short bus! How hard can it be?" But she goes all out on this job. She busts out her paint cans and paints Sesame Street characters on the bus. Does a bang up job on it to. "This should make the kids' trip to school just a little bit more fun!"
The first morning. She is driving to pick the kids up at their homes. The first stop, this hideous dumpy girl waddles up the steps and says "I'm Patty!" and sits down at the same time as she lets some of her flatulence fly. Brianna thinks, "Okay, Fatty Patty. Fatty Patty" to herself as a method to learn her name. Next stop, even more grotesque misshapen flesh of a little girl. "I'm Patty!" as she grunts up the stairs. "Okay, same thing. Fatty Patty." Seems like the job was easy enough.
Next stop, there is a smiling boy that goes up the step. "Hello Sunshine. My name is Ross" and hugs her. He sits down and puts his hands in his lap. "Aww, he's special." Sadly for Brianna, the warmth from seeing such a nice young boy is quickly shattered as she goes to the next stop. This kid is obviously a little bit too old to be getting on the bus but his mother was there, eagerly assuring Brianna that he was supposed to get on the bus. "Hey b****! How are you?! I'm Lester!" Brianna tries to not roll her eyes. "No problem there; I think I can remember that devil's name..."
Brianna starts heading to the special ed school, every once in a while watching the mirror to keep an eye on Lester. Lester and one of the Patty's were playing cards when Patty yells "Driver, he's cheating!" when she catches an ace up his sleeve. "I am not, you fat f***!" Brianna decides to nip it in the bud and has Lester sit behind her. Well, this little monster of a kid decides to do the nastiest thing he can think; he lifts his feet right over Brianna's shoulders as she is driving and he starts scrapping the crusty bits off into her shirt.
Naturally, she swerves as this is happening right at the time that a cop is driving by. The cop turns his lights on and Brianna pulls over. He walks up the steps, sees Lester cackling up a storm and shouting varies porcine statements to the cop. "What the HELL is going on?!"
Brianna just sighs and says "All I can says is two obese Patties, special Ross, Lester cheats and picks his bunions on a Sesame Street bus!"
Reference.
"This is B.S! This is B.S! I paid money! Cash money, dollars money, cash money!"
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